Recently, my aunt’s dad was hospitalized. This came as a surprise because her mom was hospitalized a month back, was in the ICU, recovered and back home now. I called to check with my aunt to know how her dad was doing. She sounded sad and said that the doctors have done everything that they could and there was not much hopes of his recovery.
It felt sad, I asked if her mom was fine and she was. We started chatting (we are more like friends) and in between she said “now all that we can do is wait and pray dad breathes his last in a peaceful way and not suffer further”……this kind of sounded very disturbing to me! I was silent as she continued…..as I was not sure if I should express my thoughts then, was it the right time?
Nevertheless, I could not hold myself and said “ Anju, don’t mind me saying this, I am confused with what you just said, why should we be so negative or lose hopes, remember, your mom was serious and by God’s grace she is doing well”…….I tried expressing my thoughts to her randomly……..while we agree the person (refer to anyone in that situation) is suffering , imagine if he realized (sub consciously if he is awake but not able to respond) that people around him are giving up, his own family is giving up, what would he or she think? All this when the person suffering is putting his best efforts to fight the situation, to bounce back! He must have stood by the family during the toughest times! That must be so depressing and de-motivating! It would rather beat down his hopes and then probably, the person gave in?
I remember when my grandma was very sick (many times family members had given up any chance of her bouncing back) and I spoke to her, though she was tired, she always said that something within her does not let her give-up easily and to our luck she survived many years too…………….she passed away few years back…….. also, my mother in law fell seriously ill (septicima) few years back, she was in the ICU, her BP and sugars were uncontrollable, doctors were worried, they said they did everything, all the family members got together, I remember it so well, hubby and me took off from work, adding to the pain, she could not recognize any one of us! After one such visit to the ICU, I was sitting with one of my relative who said “ I don’t think she (my MIL) will make it this time – it is 50-50, what do you say?”………. I immediately blurted out saying “Lets not lose hope, she is known for her will power , my take is, atthe –( meaning MIL) will bounce back, it is a matter of time, though she is not recognizing us because of her medical conditions and medication, I am sure she will not give up” and true to what I prayed, hoped, she recovered completely, she was out of the ICU a week later, moved to a ward, recognized all of us, she started talking, then slowly walking and we got her back home. This was more than 4 years back and she is doing fine now inspite of her age related health issues………..would you believe if I said she still cooks some of our favorite dishes when we visit her? Yes she does!
All this keeps me wondering ! While, illness, old age etc. do contribute to one’s well being and longevity the will power of the person fighting - supported by the love and affection of near and dear ones can make miracles happen (like in my MIL’s case)……… What if it happened to me and people around me gave up when I did not want to is the question we need to ask ourselves! It is not going to be easy ! I do not want to embrace death thinking I am no more required? Near and dear ones don’t mind my absence! Oh the very thought is so stressing……………..instead, someone you love besides you treating you lovingly is more satisfiying, holding their hand when you think they don’t realize (but they do is my honest feeling), talking to them - it is OK if they did not respond, remember they might be listening to you, telling them how much you mean to them and how badly you are waiting for them to feel better is probably no harm rather than convincing ourselves that “IT IS OVER”………………..
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